A mind liked online, the voice loved on air, a heart pricked and stabbed after sight.
Back then, I would hear people talk about internet as I grew up, but I didn’t pay attention to the details of their conversations for reason that I neither had interest nor the purpose of using it. As time passed, I realized I had to catch up with the world, I could not simply accept to lag behind time or miss being part of the “global village” as internet usage had become a trend.
All I knew to use a computer for was; play games, as simple as that! Using internet was a trend then among my friends too. I was often left alone to play soccer as they ran to internet cafes to surf the net.
It was not until the year 2002, when one of my close friends introduced me to the “dot com era”. Not familiar with the environment, he helped me learn browsing and internet terminologies that were new in my ears. For example I had never heard of words like browser, he even had to teach me simple tasks like sending emails, attachment(s) just to make the list short.
After learning what I would refer to as the “basics”, I lost interest and stopped the daily visits to internet cafés. A week, a month then a year passed, that’s when I met this girl I really liked, it was after a short time when she told me she had come to visit and she would be returning to her country. But as means of keeping in touch, she asked if I had an email address, “am! Give me yours and you will get mine when I write to you”, I responded. This re-awakened my interest and I signed up for a yahoo account immediately. We sent each other love letters, e-cards and poems before we realized we couldn’t go further however much we were willing to. It was the long distance between us that pressed so hard that we had to call it “quits”.
Nursing my wounded heart, I resorted to networking and making friends online. I signed up on so many networking sites. Having many pages, I would forget to sign in to some and this would take time unless there was something that reminded me of that particular page. “Per- spot” is one of those sites I forgot.
One day I found it in an open window and signed in, I browsed through pictures of people online to send them requests to be friends. In the process, I saw two girls in a picture, it appeared this person was offline, I wondered who of the two owned the account, but sent the request anyway. With the cute message I attached, she wasn’t strong enough to holdback, she accepted to be my friend.
We exchanged messages twice; she was inquisitive and curious to know who I really was. We exchanged personal emails that were not enough; she sent me her phone number. I wasn’t sure of what was happening then, I had not expected my attachment to her to go beyond friendship level.
One evening after work, I called and introduced myself. She was very delighted to hear my voice for the first time. The way she responded got my minds diverted. Lost vision and focus, I couldn’t see the restricting line I had drawn not to cross….. She was preparing for final exams but all she wanted was me to call her every day and night….. I always whispered sweet things, words I knew would sound beautifully in her ears and my voice made sounds she wanted to listen to before she went to bed. When I didn’t call, she would, to ask what was wrong. My minds were already tilted, if I was searching for, I thought I had found my way home, and then I knew I had to get there.
I felt I wanted her! I suggested we should meet, that was a proposal she could hardly say no to, without hesitation she gave me the directions to her hostel. Finally the awaited day came and I couldn’t disappoint. I prepared myself and called to let her know I was on my way. I was both delirious and confused, I truly wanted to see her, talk to her, listen to her melodious voice and stare in her beautiful eyes. Confused at the same time, I didn’t know how she would react when she saw me, would it be a warm welcome or a cold glance of disappointment if she didn’t like my physic, were unanswered questions on my mind.
She was warm, invited me in and had a good time as we played checkers with her roommate. It was dark; I had travelled a long distance so I had to leave though I didn’t want to. On course of my journey back home, all I thought about was her. I reached and called, assured her I had left without a part of me, it was my heart, she promised to keep it safe. Later she started ignoring me and my calls without a clear reason. I realized she had liked lines from my mind, loved my voice on air and she was stabbing my heart in the same spot again, and again, I had to put it to an end however much I was hurting.
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